Salt and Feathers
by Erhellen2
Summary: On love amid chaos. Shards of humanity in the grand flow of time.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: "Salt and Feathers-1"**

 **Prompt:** 30-C; 100_prompts

 **Genre:** Romance, Drama

 **Rating:** T

 **Warnings:** Nudity, BL.

 **Word Count:** 1013 words

 **Summary:** On love amid chaos. Shards of humanity in the grand flow of time.

* * *

"He remembered the forceful hand that cast him to the earth. He'd fallen like a shooting star, his flesh burning until his wings fell away. Pain was something he had never known before. But even worse than the physical affliction was the knowledge that he would forevermore be denied Heaven."  
― _James Burnham, The Fruit of the Fallen_

 _To Megs. For love, amid chaos._

* * *

 **Defiant**

It catches him by surprise, the defiance simmering under his skin. The shock of it stills his thoughts for a moment. It kindles the fury in Raphael's aura. Castiel , a mere soldier, had defied his brother and by extension, God, for the sake of one man. For Dean.

 **Powder**

Sam reaches out to casually brush away the dark, powdery smear on Dean's cheek. Cas feels an inexplicable ache twist within him at the almost thoughtless closeness of the brothers.

 **Grateful**

When Cas speaks his thanks aloud, he isn't sure if it is for the sandwich in front of him or Dean's large, cool hand on his back.

 **Decent**

Dean's pupils widen. Dean's breath is uneven. He turns and mumbles something at Cas. Cas tilts his head, puzzled at the sudden change in Dean. It isn't until Sam tells him it isn't appropriate to walk around without clothes that Cas understands. Dean was upset at Cas.

 **Union**

Cas is at some mall with Dean because he's human now and somehow that means more clothes. Dean tugs at his shirt to hide his discomfort. He never goes to malls, but Sam insisted, and now Dean's taking Cas shopping. Cas trails behind Dean like a solemn owl, his eyes wide and curious. There are bright lights and a lady with a perfume who beckons invitingly.

Cas walks to her station for a moment. It takes taken a few more moments for Dean to notice Cas wasn't behind him. He tenses as he looks around. He catches sight of Cas with the perfume lady. Before he even registers the motion, Dean is with them, tugging Cas away by the wrist and being charmingly apologetic. They walk away from the station and towards the store. It isn't until they reach the store that Dean realises he's still holding Cas's hand and lets go, immediately. Cas rubs his wrist, aware of the very shape of Dean's hand on his skin.

 **Cleansed**

It's Sam who first comments on the scruff that Cas seemed to be growing. Cas doesn't understand what that meant. So Sam drags him to the bathroom and shows him what he needs to do to shave. Dean walks past the two of them, pauses for a look, and leaves with a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.

 **Go**

The soft, distressed sound shouldn't be enough to wake him, but it does. He hears a muffled groan coming from the room across his. He realises that it is coming from Dean's room. He grabs his angel blade and rushes to his feet. He swiftly crossed the corridor and threw Dean's door open.

He stops. Dean is shirtless. He's flushed and breathing hard. His blanket seemed to be thrown haphazardly over his legs and his hand was under the covers. Cas feels a rush of heat go through his body. He doesn't understand why, so he hurries to Dean's side, and kneels next to him. "What happened, Dean?" he asks worriedly. Dean was flushed red and now, he pales under the sheen of sweat. "I'm fine, Cas" he bites out, "Really. Go back to sleep."

Cas tried to reach out to touch Dean's forehead. Sam taught him that was how you checked for a fever. Dean leans away, his fist clenching the blanket for dear life. "I'm okay, Cas." He whispers, his eyes blazing with a strange heat, "Go back."

Cas rises on unsteady, shivery legs. He nods at Dean and returns to his room. He feels too restless to go back to sleep. The stranger tremor in the pit of his stomach wasn't subsiding either.

 **Shame**

Next door, Dean buried his head into his pillow. He should have locked the damned door. He should have used the bathroom. He should have.. Damnit.

Dean feels the hot burn of shame mixed with desire. Cas's sleep tousled hair, the concern written in his eyes, the sight of Cas kneeling on the floor rekindled his ardour. Later that night, after, he had never fallen asleep as fast or as deeply as he did then.

 **Objective**

Dean knew he had failed everyone he loved. He knew he failed Cas more than once. Somehow, the sight of Cas, sleeping on the table lit by maps woke something fierce inside him. A yearning that atleast this time, he would protect Cas in the ways he couldn't when Cas was an angel.

 **Strength**

"Stop the car!" Cas says sharply. Dean brakes suddenly and they lurch forward. Cas is out of the car and walking to the side of the road. Dean gets out and sees Cas kneeling by the road, carefully digging at a lone chrysanthemum plant. Cas cradles it carefully against his shirt. "Autumn will be here soon," is all he says. Dean rolls his eyes at him and finds an empty trash cover for him to carry it in. Cas smiles because the hardy plant reminds him of Dean and if he told Dean, he would simply brush it off with an eye roll.

* * *

This begins my daily post on Destiel. I'm new to the fanon. I'm still exploring the characters. Please let me know what you think! I've tried to weave together a story of how Destiel could happen when Cas is human too.

Love,

Elle


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: "Salt and Feathers-1"**

 **Prompt:** 30-C; 100_prompts

 **Genre:** Family, Romance

 **Rating:** T

 **Warnings:** BL. None

 **Word Count:** 1183

 **Summary:** On strength, in the face of weakness.

* * *

 _You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it._

To Meg, as always.

* * *

 **Life**

Cas braced himself against the head board. Dean was on his right and Sam on the left and Charlie in front, leaning against Dean's knees. They were watching some movie. Charlie was laughing as she chucked popcorn in Sam's direction. Sam, in a rare moment of levity, attempted to catch them with his mouth.

Cas leaned his shoulder into Dean's. Dean shifted to accommodate him, eyes trained on the movie.

 **Contempt**

He was sweating. He wasn't accustomed to his human body. He assumed it may be the side effect of the nervousness. The man in front of him- pasty, balding, beak nosed- in intimidating black robes, looked down on him. "I hereby fine you $400 for contempt of court, Mr. Novak." He said.

Castiel sighs and wonders what else he would have to suffer for the smiling, sprightly daughter of his vessel.

 **Wrong**

There's the smell of burnt eggs from the kitchen. The skillet is on fire. Flour dusts the kitchen like snowflakes. Cas is on the floor with his head in his hands, he couldn't even do simple things for the people he loved. His fingers dig into his scalp, welcoming the slight pain.

Cool hands ease his fingers from his scalp. Cas looks into concerned green eyes and suddenly, his shame feels more acute. He wants to burrow his face into his hands. His fingers flex and Dean tightens his grasp.

"It's just eggs. I'll teach you how to make them tomorrow." Dean promises.

Cas doesn't magically feel better, but he doesn't feel as useless as he did before. That makes all the difference.

 **Sweeten**

Sam drinks his coffee black.

Charlie likes tea.

Claire loves mocha.

Dean always secretly adds an extra spoonful of sugar to his coffee.

 **Hands**

Dean's hands are rough. They have stories scribbled in scars all across his hands. If they went outside, they're easily cold. They're always gentle when they brush Cas's hair back.

 **Strangle**

Cas stared helplessly at Sam's bleeding shoulder. He had an overwhelming urge just to reach out and force Sam's shoulder to heal by sheer force of will. He had never felt so useless, so fragile, or so pathetic in his life before. The wave of emotions felt suffocating. He needed to get out, get away.. He stumbled out the door, choking on his apology. If it wasn't for him, Sam wouldn't have gotten hurt.

He didn't even want to think about what Dean must feel now. Cas was sure Dean hated him for letting this happen. Dean blamed him.. Dean...

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a jacket enveloping him. He looked up to meet Dean's gaze. He lowered his eyes, afraid of what he would see.

He felt Dean's knuckle tilt his chin up.

"None of that, Cas." Dean said, as if Dean knew exactly what was going through his head.

"It happens to us all. It wasn't your fault." Dean assured him, his voice gentle and coaxing.

He wanted to believe him, so badly. He leaned his head forward, resting his forehead against Dean's lips. He could have sworn he felt Dean lean forward a little.

 **Lullaby**

Cas shivered under the three layers of sheets. He felt cold, his nose was stopped up. He was sweating under the heat of the blankets but it still didn't feel warm enough. Sam brought a bowl of porridge. He ate what he could stomach. Sam told him, he had contracted a fever. Cas was surprised because while could recognize the signs of fever in others in others, he wasn't able to diagnose them in himself.

He curled into his stomach to preserve as much heat as he could. Despite that, his body shivered violently. He cursed inwardly and threw back his sheets, lurching to the bathroom in time to throw up. Even when he drank alcohol for the first time he hadn't felt as bad as he did now.

He rested his head against the cool porcelain of the toilet, too tired to even move. He heard Sam before he saw him. Sam hauled him to his feet and tucked him under the covers. Cas mumbled his gratitude before tumbling into unconsciousness.

He was startled awake when the mattress dipped at his feet. He relaxed as he heard the first few bars of _Hey Jude_ being hummed.

 **Untouchable**

Castiel was the angel of the lord. He was one of heaven's weapons to be wielded by the will of God. He was born to serve. He was born to protect. He was the most perfect creation of God. He was untouchable.

Cas was imperfect. Cas was weak. He made mistakes he couldn't always rectify. He loved absolutely. He made choices that were his own. He was flawed and breakable. He was one of God's beloved creatures. He was human.

 **Whispered**

He pushed Dean out of the way. The woman screeched violently at being thwarted and began to dig her mangled claws over Cas's heart. She made the inside of his body burn. He was gasping for air. The edges of his vision were blurry. It was almost a relief when his vision went black and he slumped down the wall. Cas faintly regretted not being able to tell _him_ …

He first woke to whispers of furious arguments. The next time he woke, he felt the whisper of something warm and slightly silky brush over his forehead. The next time he woke was to Sam's cheerful greeting and the promise of breakfast as Dean still slept in an armchair by the bed.

 **Prayers**

The one thing Castiel missed was the tug of prayer. He knew he was being called upon, in prayer or by name. He knew his name was spoken across Sunday schools, and by children carelessly murmuring each angel's name. The one he missed most was in a home with a little blind boy. Blind Castiel was born to a woman of great faith and a particular attachment to his name. She learned of him when her father died of liver failure. She prayed to him every night thereafter. She speaks to him as one would a friend. She had a soothing voice. There was calm in her heart. Castiel loved listening to her. She had almost felt like a friend. An ephemeral existence, but a friend nonetheless.

It is this that Cas misses most of all.

* * *

I am grateful for the support that deadone1013, hollyhobbit101, DauntlessInitiate10 and Nyph have given me. Thank you guys! You rock!

I would like to wish everyone a belated Happy Supernatural Day! I missed the announcement yesterday.

Please share your thoughts. I enjoy reading them. :)

Love,

Elle.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: "Salt and Feathers-3"**

 **Prompt:** 30-C; 100_prompts

 **Genre:** Family, Romance

 **Rating:** M

 **Warnings:** Nudity, Implied Sex, Language, M/M Pairing.

 **Word Count:** 1554

 **Summary:** On the course of love.

* * *

 _"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."_  
 _― Mother Teresa_

 _To Meg._

* * *

 **Obvious**

When they check into a hotel after a hunt, Sam books two rooms. He walks away with one of the keys as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Dean doesn't protest.

 **Rhythm**

Cas is accustomed enough to the noise of humanity that he can now pick out individual strains. The sound of rain against the windowpane. The patter of shower water on tile. The purr of the Impala. The steady pulse of his heart. It's these things that bring him comfort.

All the noise fades into the background when Dean walks out of the shower with a towel around his narrow hips. Cas feels the skittering of his pulse and a strange heat creep up his neck.

He doesn't look away, neither does Dean.

 **Afterlife**

For humans, the afterlife was heaven. For Cas, it's the feel of Dean's lips. The hands that trail gentle caresses down the slope of his back. The steady weight of Dean settled on his lap. The trembling in his fingers as he ran his palm down Dean's torso. The warmth Dean's kiss settling into the crook of his neck. The shivery weakness of his muscles- Desire, he later learned.

 **Hidden**

Gabriel had told him that knowledge hidden was more valuable than knowledge freely given.

Cas couldn't help but agree as he settled his forehead against Dean's collarbone. He traced the thin scar from Dean's last rib that curved over his back. The mole that was only visible when Dean slung his arm around Cas's waist. The tiny, faded tattoo of a swallow in flight underneath his other arm. He smiled into Dean's body as he tucked these facts away into his mind, to be savoured and remembered later.

 **Parade**

Cas woke up alone in the room. He held his breath, unsure of how to react until he saw his clothes, folded neatly on the foot of the bed. He exhaled a sigh of relief and dressed. He was fiddling with the tie when Dean returned with breakfast.

Cas watched him from the mirror, his uncertainty overpowering the calm he had gathered by dressing.

Dean set down his burden and walked up to him. He batted away Cas's hands and did the tie by himself. He stepped back with a satisfied smile and an unidentified parade of emotions marching in his eyes. Then he smiled softly.

Cas smiled back.

 **Touch**

Cas had gotten used to almost all the quirks of humanity but the one that perturbed him most was the almost casual nature of touch. When he was angel, he had never been touched but in violence. Cas's mind catalogued every attempt at touch as the equivalent of an attack.

The first time Sam tried to pat him on the back. He had Sam on the floor with his arm twisted behind him and Cas's knee pressing into his neck. It took both Dean and Charlie to pry him away.

He couldn't understand why Sam would try to attack him. Dean pulled him away to ask him what was going on. Cas had to clench his teeth to keep from lashing out at Dean. It wasn't until Dean explained that not all touch was bad that Cas began to understand the significance of it among humans. Touch was also meant to show concern and love.

He still had to remind himself of that every time Dean brushed his hair back or Sam elbowed him playfully or Charlie yanked his arm excitedly to get him to move faster.

Now, as he lay beside Dean with Dean's arm slung casually around his waist, he tentatively reached out to rest his entire palm on Dean's hip. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he felt Dean's lips stretch against his forehead.

 **Free**

The first day Cas was human, he felt the first pangs of hunger. He hadn't known about money being used for buying things. He had seen Dean use colourful plastic rectangles to purchase things. It took him a while but he found a red plastic rectangle for the exchange. He felt relieved as he walked into the store.

He looked around. Everything looked appetizing, so he picked up a sandwich box. He walked up to the counter put down the box and handed the man behind the counter his red rectangle.

The man gave him an unpleasant look. "Look here, buddy. You need to give me actually currency." He pulled a note out of the drawer and waved it in Cas's face. "Notes that look like this." He sneered.

"How do I acquire this currency?" Cas asks, genuinely surprised.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Pay up or leave." The man snarled.

"It's okay," a small voice spoke up from behind the counter, a woman rose from a stack of boxes. She pushed the sandwich box towards Cas with a smile. "I've got this," she said to the man behind the counter. She paid for the sandwich. The man behind the counter grunted and didn't say anything further.

Cas stood there, unsure of the exchange occurring before him, but the woman just smiled and told him to take the box.

 **Enjoy**

Cas was sitting on the pavement beside the store, biting into his last sandwich when the woman came out with an armful of boxes that towered over her head. She dropped them besides a similar pile. When she spotted him, she smiled and walked over to him.

"Enjoying your sandwich?" she asked, her voice friendly.

"It's wonderful," Cas replied, awed at the sensation of taste. He had never been able to taste anything as an angel and it was frighteningly new to him.

"Are you from another country?" she asked, curious.

Cas didn't know if Heaven could be called another country but he answered in the affirmative anyway.

"I've always wanted to travel." The woman volunteered, her eyes trained on the brick wall before them.

"You should. Earth is extraordinary. It seems unfathomable to me that so many humans choose to stay in one place." Cas agreed. She turned to him, her eyes boring into his.

"Tell me about the places you've visited," she asks.

Cas tells her about the countries, the people, the music that he has experienced. He especially mentions one interesting tale involving a caravan, a goat and a desert tribe woman.

She listens to him, spellbound until she hears the Counter-Man roar for her to quit slacking.

She smiles apologetically and asks him to come by tomorrow, if he's hungry.

 **Shining**

Sam meditates when he feels turbulent. He sits at his table and loses himself inside the book.

Dean meditates when he feels peaceful. He brings out a hose, a rag and box of polish. He doesn't leave until Baby is sparkling and smells like pine.

 **Overflow**

Cas fills his tub exactly to the point where his mass would cause the volume of the water to reach the lip of the tub when he gets in. He measures the bath salt for optimum bubbliness and ass the mixture in such a way that it spreads evenly across. The salts fizzle as they hit the water and the scent of lavender soothes him.

He sighs as he slips into the warm water, grateful for the way it stings then soothes his sore muscles. He rests the nape of his neck precisely at the edge of the towel he set out.

He thinks it was worth the splurge at the store. He almost drifts, his thoughts spinning in lazy circles i his mind. He is jolted awake when water splashes and his hand is pinned by something. He shoves at the weight when his wrist is encircled by a large hand.

"Cas, relax, it's me," Dean rumbles a laugh, oblivious to the danger he put himself in.

Cas slumps, all lethargy pushed away by the adrenaline spiking in his veins. He pulls out his hand from under Dean's knee and frowns at the overflow. He didn't like messes.

Cas can tell Dean feels put out by the way he suddenly but forcefully attacks his neck. Cas rests his hand against Dean's hip and strokes lazily in an up and down motion. He knows it drives Dean crazy, as evidenced by the way Dean shivers and falters from the kiss. Cas chuckles and pulls Dean down into the water. Dean redoubles his effort and Cas mentally recalculates the amount of water he would need to fill to make sure the tub doesn't overflow.

* * *

16 September 2016.

We've come to the end of the 30 prompts series which was a part of 100_prompts series. I've drawn fanart that I think is representative of the story.

Thank you **deadone1013, hollyhobbit101, DauntlessInitiate10, Nyph and carryonmycobaltangel** for your encouragement. It's intimidating to write for a fandom with non-heteronormative ship, and you guys make it so much easier.

Please let me know what you think.

Love,

Elle.


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